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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Does your skin crawl sometimes?

Do you ever have those times where you constantly feel uncomfortable? Your heart can't settle, your mind won't be at peace, your body aches and even your skin may crawl. It's not that dramatic all of the time, but you aren't ever very comfortable in any way. This can go on for weeks and weeks until you just begin to get used to not totally resting.

Well yay for me I think that I am coming out of this time. I had almost forgotten that I was not settled in my own skin because I was becoming so accustomed to it. I am thankful for those times. They help build character in me. Do I trust God in the midst of it or do I let my heart despair? Do I continue to be faithful to things I know I should be or do I bail on life? I definitely blow it...sometimes more often than not, but I think that God has been giving me opportunities to grow. Those times stink, but I think I may be learning to like them. They seem to make my life a bit like a rubics cube.

It is actually quite strange to me that I am feeling this way. I am at a place where I don't have much short term vision for my life, I'm still getting settled back into Cincinnati and I'm not quite sure what I will do or commit myself to in the near future.

All of this to say that I am so thankful that I am feeling comfortable in my own skin for a change.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Well I'm getting settled back in Cincinnati pretty well. I've been gone from California for about a month and a week. I have moved several times in the past few years. You'd think that it would get easier, and maybe in some ways it does, but for some reason change is a bit painful for me. I don't like the feeling of unfamiliarity and resettling. I miss my apartment, I miss the beach, I miss the produce, I miss Spirit Seekers and Josh singing the girls choruses of songs, but most of all I miss my dearest friends. I miss my Tuesday night family, I miss Jocelyn, and I miss Sean! I have my family near, and right now that is more important to me. Little Ava is growing a little every day. My Grampa is home from the hospital. I love living with Mark and Angela. I love Cincinnati and really I am very happy about being back.... SO.... why can't I have the best of both worlds??