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Saturday, January 03, 2009

There's a Little Black Spot on the Sun Today

It's hard to believe it's been a year. It's been a year since my dad passed away and a year since he was buried. I remember feeling so silly at his funeral. The funeral director spoke. He didn't know my dad. He kept calling him "Brother David". If he had known my dad he wouldn't have called him that. It was really humorous. It was cold that day, so we decided that we wouldn't follow the casket out, but meet them at the grave site a little bit later. When we got there they had already buried him. As we pulled up I told my mom and everyone else in the car how I thought this had been a big waste. My dad would have preferred to have been sunk in the lake. They all laughed in agreement.

This year really has gone by so quickly. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be, but there were moments that I didn't think were bearable. I'm so thankful that my mom has been able to spend this year with her grandkids, kids and brothers and sisters. I'm so thankful for her brothers and sisters (and my dear cuz Paul). They came down to Alabama for the funeral, drove to North Carolina when her house sold and packed the moving truck and unloaded it into a storage unit in Cincinnati just a few days later.

I miss my dad. A year later and the pain still feels like it did yesterday. Maybe it feels more real now or hurts a little more now. I'm not sure. A good friend told me that when his dad died he looked at his wife and said that he was too young not to have a dad. I can't ever imagine that there's an age that feels appropriate, but at 24 I feel a bit ripped off. I would have liked for my dad to have met Havah and teach her to say "yes", not yeah. I would have liked for him to come see my house and tell me how to fix the grass. Our grass is in REALLY bad shape. I would have liked to have a few more years to make some more memories. I would like to have just a little bit more time.

I'm feeling quite sad, but I'm also feeling thankful. I'm appreciating family more. I'm thankful for relationships. I'm thankful for friends and for conversations. They all mean a little bit more now.


Jeannie said...

wrapping you in my prayers and love.

Anonymous said...

How beautifully written Danie. After 20+ years, I still miss my Dad - your g'pa. I miss your Dad too - and it still hurts to think of him being gone. What gets me through - is the appreciation of family we have and had. How lucky we are to have had such great Dad's, such great families. It is a sunny day in NC - and I think David and Milton are out fishing with St. Pete - hopin' to catch the big one. Love and miss you all. Jude

Norwood Mama said...

What a bittersweet year it has been. Because Dad taught Ava the 'yes' thing so clearly, she is working on Charlotte. Every once in a while, she'll look at me and say 'yeah' with a twinkle in her eye.

And, DUH! Everyone knows that Dad's cure for the lawn is laundry soap!

Ann Kimmel said...

I have been thinking about your family. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Know that I love you (you're my favorite little sister I know!) and I will be praying for you.


Randy Bohlender said...

I hear you, friend. Thanks for writing was thirteen years ago just a few days ago for me. Still feel too young. :-)

Anonymous said...

I love you, sister. I miss daddy,so much too. I feel ripped off also!! I want my father, I want my mother to have HER husband.
It has been a year. We were so blessed to have a father that we could admire. Blessed to have a family that we can call on anytime. Thank GOD for our family.